I have done something stupid for the past week, and I have no idea why. I stopped my meds. Which is a stupid, stupid thing to do. And by stopping them, I managed to give my demons a gap. A gap which allowed them to creep in and decrease the quality of my life, to make me into an irritable, unproductive bitchy unpleasant person.
One of the seriously sucky things about depression is that no matter how much you try to keep it in, keep it contained it’s effects spill over to other people in your life. The grumpiness and irritability and irrationality all increase and multiply.
Small chores that ordinarily take no effort begin to weigh you down and take a huge amount of effort, completely disproportional to the magnitude of the task. Your thoughts slow down, and every little decision begins to be second guessed, and you begin to believe the lies that the demons tell you.
This morning it was an effort to take my medication, it took me the better part of half an hour to get up and get some water to take one teeny tablet. But I won, I took the drugs. I know that this storm will pass.
The advantage of being a depression veteran, is that I know some tricks, and I know that even though this is a dark and bleak place, I won’t be here for ever.
Love and surviving,