• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Trisha Cornelius

Figuring it out as I go

  • Mental Health
  • Motherhood
  • Development
  • Design
    • Design Portfolio
  • Miscellany
  • Reading
    • Biography
  • About Me
    • Bucket List
    • About Me – old
      • Newer old about me :)
    • Privacy policy

vent

I don’t owe you an explanation

As a society we are encouraged to say yes and if we say no people try to make us feel guilty about it. But the thing is, no is a complete answer, and it should not be accompanied by guilt, nor does it need an explanation.

Saying no does not make you a bad person. Saying no is not a bad thing. And yet, it comes with a huge guilt burden, especially for the female population.  From the time we are little girls we are primed to think that we are responsible for other people’s behaviour and happiness. The image that a woman is supposed to ensure that everyone is fed, cleaned and clothed is insidious. The role of a mother is projected onto all females, and heaven forbid, a young lass bucks the trend. Girls are supposed to be feminine and want to be pretty. They should not have fun climbing trees or be geeky. Nor should they ever confess that they don’t want to have children.

This week I went shopping for a little boy and a little girl who I knew absolutely nothing about apart from their ages. It was an enlightening experience because I found myself noticing biases that I did not know that I had. For instance, why did I dismiss the puzzle with a picture of a rocket as being inappropriate for the young girl. Perhaps if this young lady ever goes to space she will have a similar sentiment to Sally Ride:

The thing that I’ll remember most about the flight is that it was fun. In fact, I’m sure it was the most fun I’ll ever have in my life.

The thing is if you had asked me about this bias I would have strongly disputed its existence. Yet, it clearly influenced my behaviour. Logically, I should not have such a bias, I am a highly educated female with a professional degree.

I also found it fascinating about the fact that I was asked about my children, and when I replied that I don’t have any I was subjected to an interrogation regarding why I don’t, and when I’m planning on changing this. But the important thing is that really is nobody’s business except mine and Riaan’s. I don’t owe anyone an explanation, and yet I needed to fight the urge to justify my decision to other people. It’s my life and I have every right to live it my way.

Love,
Trisha

For this post:

I write like
Douglas Adams

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

the author of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Seriously cool!

26 Oct 2012 by Trisha Cornelius

Filed Under: Miscellany Tagged With: biases, culture, feminism, Sally Ride, vent

Victory

I went to an upmarket mall today and I encountered a skincare product salesman. He is ordinarily quite charming and he convinced me to sit down for the sales pitch. We had a bit of back and forth, and then he told me that for nearly the price of a small country I could be the proud owner of certain skin care products that would make me feel absolutely amazing and look absolutely stunning.

At the moment, I am satisfied with how I look. My complexion is far from perfect and I am carrying a little bit of extra weight, but these are not on my list of things to deal with right now. Especially since part of the reason I am carrying a little bit more weight is the anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications I am taking at the moment. Life is about choosing your battles, and this is not a battle that I am in the mood to enter at the moment. (Kind of like the Americans in the second world war, I am biding my time, or waiting for the bombs to drop.)

Anyway, eventually when I said that I was not interested in even one of the products (a rather pleasant exfoliating gel) this sales person lowered his voice and conspiratorially said that he would give me the product at his fifty percent off discount. Needless to say he was rather surprised when I still declined his offer, and after a little bit of back and forth, he insisted that I look in the mirror while he pointed out my flaws. But, thankfully, I had gotten my mind right before that, and when he pointed to the acne scars on my face, I saw battle scars of teenage hell (let’s be honest here, being a teenager is not fun) not as something to be ashamed of, but rather to be celebrated. Evidence of the fact that I am survivor, and I’ve come through. The rosacea on my cheeks as evidence of moments spent under a warm sun. This salesperson was very confused when I told him that I don’t need any products to make my face beautiful, it already is. He did not understand that, as Jessica Macbeth says in the Faeries’ Oracle, my face is not my truth nor is my truth my face. And my truth, just like my soul, is beautiful.

When I found myself beginning to waver I had another Amanda Palmer moment and my subconscious very loudly started singing at me that I am the person that I want to be. The last time I had such an Amanda Palmer moment was at the beginning of 2010 when I was looking for a dress to wear to my sister’s wedding, and I was being rather negative towards myself in the change room, and then I remembered how confident Amanda had been in her own body at the Golden Globes wearing a dress that generated a level of internet condemnation, especially coupled with the fact that she dared to not shave her armpits.

At this point, the salesperson finally clicked that this was a lost cause, and that I was clearly lying to myself because I needed his products. We then wished each other well, and I went away happy that this battle of the beauty had been won by the truly beautiful soul inside of me, rather than the insecure me. And wanting to remember this victory for a long, long time.

Love and beauty,
Trisha

P.S. My state of mind was probably influenced by this video reminding me that I am beautiful, just like you!
You Are Beautiful by Karen Walrond (http://www.chookooloonks.com/)

 

23 Oct 2012 by Trisha Cornelius

Filed Under: Mental Health Tagged With: consumer culture, more than meets the eye, vent, why amanda palmer is amazing

Primary Sidebar

A cartoon twitter bird with a cup of coffee

Tweets by trishawebs

And nothing but the truth

Hi,

I’m Trisha. This is my personal blog and all opinions are my own. I don’t set out to offend people about trivial things, but if you disagree with basic universal human rights we are probably going to butt heads.
If you follow a link to a site that sells you something, there is a good chance that it is an affiliate link which means that I might get a small amount from the sale. (It won’t change the price you pay).

  · Copyright © 2022 · Patricia Cornelius ·

  · Built on the Genesis Framework for WordPress lovingly customized by Trisha Cornelius ·

Copyright © 2022 · Trisha Cornelius on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in