Trisha Cornelius

Figuring it out as I go

daily life

What makes a good friend?

Hello computer,

image credit: Raj via Flickr
image credit: Raj via Flickr

I had a spur of the moment visit from a friend earlier today. (I love it when things just happen and come together and feed the soul).

And at some point we started talking about what makes a good friend. And for me I think the answer is that I know you are a good friend when I can be vulnerable around you…when I can admit that I don’t know all the answers and I might even be struggling with the question. When I can be my imperfect self around you.

For me you are a good friend if I will phone you in the middle of the night when I am in trouble.

You are a good friend when we can say to each other, “I am upset about … but I forgive you”.

For me the biggest sign that someone is a good friend is that you feel refreshed and energised after spending time with them.

Life is short and relationships take work, but in the case of a good friendship, in my experience, the work feels effortless.

Love and friendships,
Trisha

Wacky Wednesday: A Day in the Life of Trisha and Lucas

Life with a toddler is completely and totally insane, but also completely and totally blessed. Yesterday was a slightly more chaotic and unproductive day (business wise – I did not do anything that I wanted to get done, done.) But it was a day filled with memories and fun.

We got up early, the single biggest drawback of being a single car household is that when I need the car I have to take Riaan into work, and he is working some crazy hours at the moment…so we left before 6. When I moved into the driver’s seat, Lucas gestured that he wanted to get out. I thought that he was after some milk, but actually he just wanted to explore around the car: checking out the indicator lever, the safety belt, the handbrake, the locks, the keys in the ignition. Since we did not need to be anywhere in a hurry I let him explore, which made a number of people walking into the building smile. There is something magical about a toddler’s smile.

We came home. I made a delicious quiche in a mug for breakfast. (How did I not know about microwave cooking in a mug before Tuesday? — I used the recipe from Full Thyme Student). Lucas shared some of my quiche and had half a banana.

After playtime and story time, where I made the connection about why one of the words in Lucas’s vocabulary is hat (One of his favourite stories is Hamilton’s Hats by Marthie Osbourne) we headed out to start the day. We started at the computer store where I was hoping that I would be able to get a cable for my external drive and that this would prove to be the problem in the computer not reading it. (Part one of the mission getting a cable successful — And I got absolutely amazing service, as always, from Matrix Warehouse at Retail Crossing. Part two: getting the computer to actually read the drive unsuccessful. Now I am not sure whether this is a problem with the actual drive or with the drivers since I am now using Windows 10…I will keep on hoping.) I can’t remember if I said goodbye to the lovely people at the shop…before going to the next shop where I needed to buy some more mugs. This proved to be a very good purchase since I broke yet another mug when we eventually got home last night.

After that it was off to therapy…where my therapist and I had a different time for my appointment which meant that Lucas and I had some time to just be…so some more playtime in a different setting.

After therapy, I made a spur of the moment call to my aunt to find out if she was up for a visit, and she was. So we took a trip through to the northern suburbs and we had a lovely lunch. Lucas had yet more playtime (traveling toybags are the best thing ever!). Then it was time to go and do the grocery shopping…where I was really hoping to get a mom and tot parking but selfish bastards without children were hogging them!

Grocery shopping with a toddler is a completely different experience to shopping without one…and there is a conspiracy of knowing smiles among fellow parents. I managed to get most of the shopping done with very little fuss. YAY! But the trip was slightly longer than Lucas would have preferred and so he was getting quite niggly but thankfully water and a banana (God’s gift to mothers those things) managed to get him to calm down.

Then it was back to Sandton to pick up Riaan and pick up eggs from a different shop on the way home. (I could not bring myself to pay more than R2 an egg: note to self — find out about the logistics of keeping chickens. Since clearly 2 dogs, 2 cats and an uncountable number of fish is not enough of a challenge 🙂 ).

Then it was time for dinner and bed.  (Yes, I was a bad mother and did not bath Lucas since he passed out in the car).

Love and mothering chaos,
Trisha

As if any further proof was needed of the chaos of motherhood – I started this post on Thursday morning, finished it on Saturday night before finally being able to post on Sunday. Life is crazy, but that does not mean it is not good.

Just saying “no” should have been enough

Hello Blog,

Today I had an interesting and frustrating encounter. I was walking from the pharmacy to the butchery and a woman stepped into my path. She did so because she wanted to touch my son who I was holding.

When I asked her to not touch I was asked “Why not?”.  When I replied that because my child has the right to as much bodily integrity as anyone else.  This woman was quite indignant that I dared advocate for my child accusing me of being aggressive. (I disputed this, saying that I was being assertive).

Upon reflection I could have handled the situation better, rather than explaining my position that my child and myself are entitled to bodily integrity. I should have simply said because I said no and that is enough of a reason.

This was one of the first times that my parenting ideas has been challenged by a stranger. I know that it will happen again.  I also know that I will not hesitate to protect my child even if it is based on nothing more than an inexplicable split second decision not to let a stranger touch my kid.

Love and venting,
Trisha

 

 

Just a post

Hello Blog,

It’s been a rough couple of days. I thought I was losing a fight with a depressive episode but it turns out that I wasn’t. The exhaustion I was feeling was glandular fever…So I have been woman down for the past couple of days. Today I spent most of the day sleeping, and Lucas spent the day with his Ouma, he also rolled over for the first time.

It’s interesting for me to notice that I am less concerned about seeing Lucas’s firsts and looking more forward to the seconds, but I am loving seeing him develop and growing, the daily bits of struggle and the growth. It is an absolute privilege to see the daily growth the way he is slowly growing into a person.

I am also making a point to be gentle with myself and pay attention to my thoughts. And catch myself when I am being judgemental, it’s difficult but I think I am winning.

Love and discoveries,
Trisha

Say Ah

One of the thing that living in Costa Rica cured me of is being afraid of getting laughed at if I mis-pronounce a non-English word. As I mentioned in a previous post, South Africa, has eleven official languages. I haven’t checked the census figures yet, but I’m pretty sure more than that are commonly spoken.

I only speak two of the eleven fluently: English and Afrikaans. While I took Zulu in university, it focused more on the academic portions, and my Zulu is not much stronger than the other nine languages. Thankfully, every trip to the super market presents another opportunity to either learn or practice some new vocabulary. At a mi:nimum I would like to be able to say

  • hello
  • how are you
  • fine thanks
  • please
  • thank you
  • goodbye

in all eleven of our languages. At the moment, I have about four of the words across six of the languages (including English and Afrikaans).

Today when I was paying for my groceries the cashier’s home language was Venda, and so I learnt how to say “hello” in Venda. It’s aa, but pronounced more like ah! Which is great fun and I don’t think I will easily forget.

Love and learning,
Trisha