Having made the decision to come out into the open and speak about my mental illness, it would be a cop out not to write this post.
I had a terrifying anxiety attack today…well, that’s a tautology, if there has even been one. All anxiety attacks are terrifying. Your heart starts racing. The blood is pounding. Breathing becomes more and more difficult.
You try to focus on something, anything that can keep you from falling apart. Today I bit my lip…dry sobbing…Tears refusing to come. Utterly and totally convinced that this time, is the absolute last straw for those who love you. That they have to get away from you. Knowing that they are going to abandon you.
Hating yourself for being so pathetic…for not being able to just get your shit together. It is hardly significant.
Part of you knows that you are over-reacting and that part speaks rationally. But those rational words are swallowed up by the anxiety and greedily twisted. Made to mean other things – used to further the evidence that your worst insecurities are right.